Inscrutable Americans

I was looking through some old blog posts in my other blogs, and saw what went through my head after I had finished reading this book. I don’t just have a review of this book, I also have an example of how I felt after I read it…
Here is one half of that blog post. The other half is all about how this is just a passable read etc, but this part is my favourite. Written 6 years ago, I LOLed again as I read this…
Dear Brother,
My respects to our Respectable Parents! I am doing fine here. And I am thinking that you are also doing fine there. Or is somebody fining you for what you are doing? Hahahaha... I am joking only of course. I am hoping you are not minding this.
Tell our parents that I am doing only prayers and office work and not doing anything that they asked me not to do. Also please inform Mother that I am feeling well and eating well too. I am not eating in any of the outside hotels because I am getting scared that the cooks there are not Brahmins. Dearest loving Mother asked me not to eat outside food as the cook will mix non-veg food in my khichdi and do dharma-bhrashtachar. I am hoping that you are also not doing the same thing. We are the proud descendants of this great caste system and so we should keep up high morality.
Also please inform dear Mother that I am putting lot of oil on my head before going to the office. I am also preparing breakfast and dinner for your dearest respectable Jijaji. I am taking good caring of him as Mother said that taking care of respectable patidev will take me to the heavens directly. After completing these 2 months of taking good caring of your jijaji, I am feeling that I am eligible to go to the heavens. I am not calling him with his name as dearest Mother asked me not to. I am daily praying to him also after my prayers to the Lords. And I am not reading anything bad or watching those bad channels on the TV where the woman will be wearing only two pieces of cloth. I am reading only the devotional books that Mother has asked me to read after I am coming from office and cooking for dear patidev and watching only the devotional channels where all the people wear just one coloured clothing.
Please tell these to respectable Mother and please ask her from my side if I do anything more to go to the heavens. I am also having a doubt if I should be doing prayers first to your jijaji (I am feeling shy to say his name also) and then to the Lords. I am getting this doubt because I am reading in one of those devotional books, it says that 'Patiye pratyaksha daivam'. But please do not mention this to Mother as she did not tell me to read this book as this book does not follow our dharma correctly. If she is knowing that I am reading other books, she will get angry on me and come here to pull my plait and hit me on my head. So please help me, my dear brother.
But dear brother, I will tell you something only if you will promising not to tell respectable Mother. I am falling sick yesterday and so absented office. I am just hoping that my lead there does not mind my absence. Of course, I am calling him and telling him about my incapability to attend office. But I am still thinking about what he will be thinking and all this thinking has made me more sick and my head is aching and aching yesterday.
Other than the ones I am writing above in this letter, I am having nothing more to tell you.
I am hoping that you are studying well and not doing any of the sins that are mentioned in the puranas. It is our responsibility to take care of this great dharma and keep up the respect of our parents. So please do not drink anything other than buttermilk in your college canteen. I am hearing these days that there is some drink called Coca-cola and Pepsi which is tasty, but I am not knowing and I am doubting if it is good taste or not. I am asking your jijaji to get me some of this drink and will taste it. After that, I am telling you if it is a good drink for growing students like you to drink. Till then, please do not mention this to our Father that I am planning to taste this drink. Dear Father does not like such things.
And please eat only bun in your college canteen. I am seeing many people eat bun-like eatables called burgers and pizzas in Hyderabad and in our office here. But I am not knowing how good it is for you. I will do the same as above and telling you if it is good for you.
Ok dear brother. I am hoping that you are taking care of yourself now.
Leaving you,
Your Dear Respectable Sister.