The past couple of weeks have been a mess. I screwed up a major holiday plan, because oh well, I was over-confident about my planning ability. I realized the f**k-up on the day we were supposed to have travelled, and so we cancelled the tickets. I thought I'd cry, because I had wasted a ton of money, and called the husband in the hope that he'd yell at me, and I can then cry. I wanted to cry. No, he didn’t yell. And I laughed about the screw-up with a bunch of good friends over some rum, and life was good. But I realized I hadn't cried at all. Not a single tear, at what was otherwise a very anticipated, and could've been a great holiday. I also didn’t cry over the money I lost, and at around midnight, in the middle of all the laughing I started crying. Or an attempt to cry. Again, no tears. That’s when a friend pointed out that the reason I wasn’t able to cry, probably was because the husband was being supportive, and hasn’t yelled at me even once! The minute I realized the screw-up, he got me home and worked on problem-solving. And hasn’t mentioned it all even once. :-)
This morning, the husband sent me a link to a video they shot of him at work. It was a minute long, and in it, he was talking about some good work his team has done. I had to listen to the video three times to actually get what he was saying, because the third time I realized I was grinning silly at his picture on my computer, and the grin he throws in the middle of some words. Oh, I loved to see him on screen, and he looked good too, yes. When I tell that to him, he says immediately that he isn’t going to shave off the beard now. Apparently this is the first time I said he looks good, when he had his beard on. :) [He knows my love for bearded men, but is miffed that I press him to shave it away. But alas, none of it is fruitful, the man does what he wants, with his hair and beard.]
Anyhoo… I've been married to him for almost a decade. And I felt silly grinning as he grins in the video, and silly coz I replayed the video three more times, and saved an offline copy for future viewing. :). I felt proud and it felt good. .
And then , there is this constant reminder of his colorblindness. The man can't differentiate between some shades of pink and blue, and its genetic. He inherited it from his mother's side of the family, and all his cousins have it. It's even a source of laughter when the family gets together and some discussion about color comes up. No one believes it, and I don’t let him forget it, with whatever snippets I can recollect at the moment, and recount them at gatherings :)
In spite of this now-famous-condition of his, the man insists on coming curtain shopping with me and having a say in the colors of the curtains. He wants the colors to look good to his eyes, it seems, which is why we only had bright orange colored curtains in our house for a long time. Yes, I find this adorable. I find it super cute that he insists on knowing colors like mauve, brown and teal.
The best of this is when he is packing my lunch boxes, or closing the lids of other boxes/bottles at home. Sample this -
Yeah, he doesn’t accept that this is a mismatch, and every time, literally every single time I see this, I smile and gush. Like a silly little girl. :)
Couple of years ago, I wrote a post about how I miss the butterflies in my stomach , but love the fact that I'm in a stable relationship etc. But I feel now that the butterflies you feel in the stomach at the prospect of new love actually matures into something else… an adult version of those butterflies… akin to what I am feeling now, as I write this post.
We were two people who met only because marriage between us looked like a possibility. It was a modern kind of an arranged marriage, and we'd known each other only for just 2 weeks before we got engaged, and almost immediately got married. When we decided to get engaged, we weren't in love (he claims he was :-) ), we knew that we hadn't compromised on anything we wanted in a partner and so knew for sure that we'd be in love soon. We didn’t force love, luckily, we didn’t need to. It took its time, but when it did, I knew it was going to stay. There were never any grand gestures of love before, there aren't many now.
I can't recollect how and when I realized I was head over heels in love with him, and I know I can't every few days if I still love him. It's when I feel like how I felt today is when I know that the love I felt when I felt it first has only grown to what it is now…
[PS : The title of this post is inspired from this series. :-)]