Core values and how I deal with it?

Off late, most of the conversations or debates I am having with friends fall in familiar patterns - someone in the audience would've said something that I disagree with, and I end up debating it with facts. Well, using facts not sentiments is the best thing to do, but what do you do in the world where every fact you pick might be discredited (either really because of the source of the fact or called as 'fake' news because people do not like this fact)? I have been thinking about this, I have a few options - I could move over from the argument and never touch it again with that same audience, or I could go at it in other ways. I flinch at the moving over bit, because that makes me feel that I am wasting an opportunity, both at learning and at giving it back. I am yet to figure out the right way to bring forth a valid point in a debate, something that will make the other person see the truth and not my face when I am uttering it. 
This morning, a distant family member discredited the reports of rapes that are floating on WhatsApp. He repeated that women in India are safe, and he gave examples of how they are smoking cigarettes and are hence liberated. He rubbished these reports as fake media spreading false information about India, when people in their own countries follow no values. This hurt me deeply - at the whataboutery of the whole argument, an educated man's choice to not pay heed to the facts and his need to rubbish them (they might've been false for all I know, but the sentiment is still true - rape stats for India are abysmal , and no women are not safe), him bringing up cigarette smoking as an example of liberation - my stomach hurt at all of it. I grew disheartened at how large a task we have ahead of us if we are ever to make the world take us seriously, women and their struggles - all of it. 

So I wrote this down... (will be sharing as stories on my Instagram profile.)

First things first, I am not a fan of armchair activism. At this stage, I believe that there are too many people spouting their opinions but too few people there to bring about real change. That said, I also believe that every opinion needs to be heard - there should be no 'buts' in Freedom of expression. 

There are a few facts, undeniable, that we MUST all agree upon. There might be a need to overcome personal biases in this journey, but we must do that, to be a part of the 'civilized' society. 

1. There are atrocities happening on marginalized people. Persecution of minorities is happening every single moment, in every place, ranging from microaggressions to egregious ones - Every.friggin'.where. Sadly, the bucket of minorities is large, and dependent on the societal conditions where the person exists, but it is there. 

2. Gender discrimination exists. Everyday sexism exists. Period. 

3. Kids learn from adults. What we say, casually or in debates, is being seriously regarded by the child in the room and will be modeled upon.

4. There is a role of popular media in the way we think. Our language matters too, the words we choose and how we say it. No matter what you put under the bucket of art, be aware that the same art and expression can be done by not trivializing a fact/demographic/gender - there are good examples where entertainers have picked the high road and still succeeded, look this up.

If we agree on the above, then proceed reading. If you don't agree on any of these, and come up with a 'but' for these, then, am sorry much of what I will say will not make a difference to you. If you believe that you have something to learn from the world EVERYDAY, then yes, let us continue. 

Over to personal biases, here is a story - I come from an orthodox family. There is not a single instance of gender discrimination to me from my family. I am not a victim of sexism anywhere in my immediate family. I have only met good men in my life, every single one of them that I have known, liked and loved - immediate family members, friends, people I call friends at work and otherwise - all these men are great individuals. (Except for that one manager who gave me the textbook example of MeToo, but that experience doesn't define me today). I have not even been eve-teased while growing up, no stray comments, no experiences of being groped while in public transportation - nopes, none of consequence come to mind. Even as an immigrant, I have only had neutral or positive experiences. At work, I have been fairly successful and have only positive stories to talk about. I grew up in a relatively stable part of the country which was not considerably touched by the manmade disasters that have otherwise plagued the 90s India.  

It is convenient for me to not believe in the new reports about all aggressive behaviors, coz I do not know a single person in my vast circle of immediate acquaintances and friends who would be a perpetrator, of any kind. From my lens, these are all false. But is it really fair for me to be calling MY experience as the world's and saying that all the news reports about violence are incorrect/false/fake, because, c'mon, I have never really seen anything wrong or sad? 

If I insisted that the world is fair because my personal experience is all rosy, then I am essentially wasting every chance of exposure and learning that my privilege has given me.

Here is where I bring in learning - if you think something is false, something that ruffles you or you disagree with, please investigate - it could be false, or it needn't be too. Where it is not false, there is a chance for you to alter your perspective. My story is not the story of 99% of women or people. In fact, that is how averages work - if everyone had a great experience in life, we'd all be perfectly happy. And this would be utopia. The reason why there is pain and misery in this world is because there are people having bad experiences and knowingly or unknowingly, we are either aiding perpetrators or being one ourselves. We are killing the truth with every report/fact that we discredit because it doesn't align with our world view. That is why, I believe that there is an opportunity for us to learn and continue to be our best at all points to make a positive impact around us. 

If anything, I believe that is the only way we could leave a better world behind. 

If you think this is too much work, and want to pick the easy way out, then be my guest. If you believe you are perfect and don't need to learn anymore, you lose the right to even disagree with the facts and reports put out, because you are part of the problem. 

In conclusion, no matter how you decide to deal with when a value core to you is being abused, (some debate it out endlessly and sadly even as a futile attempt; some choose to be silent coz people don't listen anyways. Personally, I am learning how to pick my battles and choosing words to make my audience listen to me - it is a LONG journey and I have been mostly unsuccessful, but that is the only way I see forward), we must speak up. If we don't act, in whatever little way we can, in the face of aggressions, then we might as well be mayflies.